Question
My husband has a bad habit of always wingeing at children, don’t do this don’t do that unnecessarily. be quiet and sit down, don’t make noise. when they are naughty i agree that one needs to discipline. i have 3 daughters. he doesn’t believe in disciplining but hitting. he slaps them on their cheeks and head. ive told him about this lots of times that not only is it a sin but unsafe for children too. he held my youngest so tight once she stopped moving her left arm (2year old). what do i do. what can i read to change his attitude towards kids. i have talked to him but he doesn’t believe in listening to a wife. please help because this is affecting my kids. he went on holiday and was coming back. i told my children and 3 year old said “hes not going to hit me is he”? please advise in detail. jazakallah
Answer
Muhtaram / Muhtaramah ,
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Jazakillah for writing to the institute regarding this sad state of affairs.
Sister, I will be quite straight about this matter. If you have already asked his parents and your parents to talk to him and he refuses to stop, then I suggest that you ask your local imaam to talk to him.
If that does not help, then remind him about Allah Ta’ala’s commandments in respect to the amaanat that has been placed in his care. Namely, his children. It also becomes incumbent upon you to protect these helpless children. You will also be held accountable as they are still too young to be able to speak up for themselves. I ask you to seriously think of reporting the matter to welfare if he does not listen to you. Tell him that you will do so if he does not stop beating them up. This is emotional, psychotically and physical abuse in its crudest form. Does your husband resent the fact that he does not have sons or is this his way of relating with anybody who he thinks he can bully?
Your daughters will grow up damaged, frightened, and unable to cope, without confidence and without a sense of how to relate with others amongst other damage that they could suffer. Please let me know what you think of my suggestions and if you will be able to go through with them. We can explore the matter further, insha’allah. May Allah Ta’ala guide all of you, protect your little girls and soften your husband’s heart, ameen.
And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa
Madrasah Inaa’miyya
· The Sharée ruling herein given is specifically based on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.
· The Darul Ifta bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer. The Darul Ifta being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.
· This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of the Darul Ifta.
