Ref no: 0048#
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Date: Friday, 25th March, 2011 |
Category
Social
Title
I’m a 21 year old guy and about a year ago I made friendship with a girl
Question
salaam im a 21 year old guy and about a year ago i made friendship with a girl. before this i have never had any contact what so ever with a girl. anyway we used to chat alot on the phone and we both eventually started getting feelings for each other. during this 1 year we never met or anything we just used to chat on phone and computer. i knew this is still haraam so a few months back we spoke about getting married and we both agreed.alhamdullah during this year i didnt lose interest in deen i still prayed 5 times a day and kept my beard. she herself is not to practising. however about 2 weeks ago we had a very big argument in which i said very harsh things and since then we have not had any contact. i feel very bad and regret for the harsh things i said. i wanted to ask the following questions 1) i still have feelings for her and think about her durin times im free and not doing anything. how do i know if this is just shaytaan or whether or not i still love her? 2)im not sure whether or not she hates as i havent contacted her to find out. since the argument i have made constant dua that allah forgives me for what i said to her and also that she forgives me. is this dua allowed 3) also i have also made the dua that allah unites our hearts and alloys me to marry her. i am in my final year of uni and would marry soon. however i dont want to get married to someone if i still have feelings for her. is there any dua i can read so allah can allow her to forgive me and increased my chances of marrying he
Answer
Muhtaram / Muhtaramah
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.
Since you have not made Nikah with her, your talking and casual relation with her is Haraam and prohibited. You should understand that a relationship that has been begun by Haraam will be void of barakah. Generally, such type of Haraam relationships are based more on passion and fulfilling ones egos and desires rather than looking for a spouse that would be a lifelong support and partner. It is not strange that you have already experienced the consequence of a Haraam relation by falling into an argument even before contemplating marriage.
You should therefore abandon all relation with her. Fear Allah and life after death. Build your marriage on a solid, pure and Halaal foundation that will bear wholesome and fruitful results. Make Tawbah for the past and sincerely seek Allah’s forgiveness for your wrongs. Concentrate on your studies and increase your connection with Allah and His Deen. This is the only remedy to bring solace and peace to you now and after you marry. We have seen many who have violated the Laws of Almighty Allah prior to their Nikah by engaging in pre marital relationships etc. Their lives have become frustrating and depressing. This is the direct consequence of their disobedience to Almighty Allah. Obedience to Allah and the Sunnah of Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم brings forth peace, contentment and fulfillment in a person.
If you wish to marry her, you should consult with your parents and follow the proper Shariah way in doing so. This will change her attitude and might become a means of her changing her life towards the obedience of Almighty Allah.
And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa
Madrasah Inaa’miyya
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