Ref no: 0117#
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Date: Sunday, May 15, 2011 |
Category
Marriage
Title
I want to be married to a man who has a good reputation in his community
Question
I want to be married to a man who has a good reputation in his community, well liked by his elders, he is very respectful to his family and is a very hard working and successful business man but my parents objection is that he isn’t from the same culture as I am he is 17 years older than I am, he is Tabiegh and not sunni, and there have been false accusations and rumours spread by a family member of his.
He is a good man with a strong firm religious up brining, he is haafizul Quraan, I have known about him for four years, but we never spoke or met up with each other, last year when he expressed an interest in me and initiated a marriage proposal, my family started fighting with me, by screaming and shouting, trying to put me out of the house a couple of times, as I refuse to accept what they are saying about him… I truly and honestly know that he is a good man, I have made Istikharah namaaz since August of last year and now my heart has never been so content with my decision to marry him…..
And if I mention his name and surname you would definitely know of the family I am talking about… this is the family I always hoped I would marry into, they live so simple and they live Islam and breathe Islam.
I need help as we really want to be married and I am not getting any younger as I am 23yrs old…. I really need sound advice
Answer
Muhtaram / Muhtaramah
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.
There are three issues in your query
- Good prospective husband
- Culture
- Parents blessings
From the brief description you have posted, certainly it does make a good man and a good prospective husband. However, I do not know the boy neither would you more than your parents. They should have some sound, valid reason to advice against your choice. If a boy with the description you have mentioned proposes to any women, no father will simply refuse such a proposal. Perhaps you are unaware of information that they may have and therefore convinced on your decision. It is therefore wise to sit down and talk to your parents in a manner that clarifies the issues.
Furthermore you state that you both hail from different backgrounds and cultures. Your parents are more aware of the implications of such a serious issue than you. It is possible that their negative feelings are due to this factor. Sometimes a person may seem very promising and suit the profile that you are looking for. But when you live with the person and see his true side, the matter is not as simple as projected. Allah states “Perhaps you like something but that is not good for you” (Surah Baqarah). Your parents have experience of people and life and their advice is based on their experience. You should inform them of your Istikhara and let them know of your strong feelings towards this person. If you feel that your parents are bias in giving you a fair hearing, consider involving a close senior family member who could sit to resolve this issue between yourselves.
And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa
Madrasah Inaa’miyya
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