I’m married with one child and lives with my mom

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Date: Saturday, July 23, 2011





I’m married with one child and lives with my mom



I’m married with one child and lives with my mom. In the house it’s only me, husband, child, mother and sister. We all are working besides my mother, me and my husband pays for the room and I buy and prepare my own food.

My husband told me that my mother feels that I don’t want to do things in the house anymore; I’m leaving all the things for my sister. As much as I want to do more, financially we can’t as we have debt that we want to settle as soon as possible, now this is not of any concern to my mother as it’s my husband and I business.

Is it wrong of me to approach my mom and tell her that I can’t give that much anymore as we have other responsibilities now and also that I’m a married woman and that’s it’s my sisters responsibility to help where she must. I do look after my mother and I thought that I’m still giving more than what I should, but apparently that is not the case.

Please can you advise me on how to deal with this situation?



Muhtaram / Muhtaramah

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.


There are two issues to your query

· Your financial constraints

· Your mother’s feelings

We understand that you are currently living with your mother and sister and you are contributing towards the accommodation. Since your husband feels that your mother wants you to increase your contribution towards the accommodation as well as the running costs of the house, we suggest that you approach your mother and sister and discuss the matter in an open and transparent manner. You should first ask your husband what would be the maximum he would be prepared to contribute towards the house expenses and then discuss the matter with your mother and sister. It is important that you indicate your financial condition to them so that they are aware of your monthly obligations and your dire financial need. It is possible they are unaware of your difficulty and think you are living a comfortable life at their expense. In discussing the matter in a frank and open way will alleviate a lot of misunderstandings and create a more harmonious environment in the home.

Should they demand more than your budget, you should discuss with your husband and seek cheaper alternate accommodation that suits your budget and lifestyle.


And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa

Madrasah Inaa’miyyah



· The Sharée ruling herein given is specifically based on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.

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