Should the boy tell girl’s mother that they had sexual intercourse?

This post has 1,111 views.

Ref no: 0318#

Date: Sunday , July 10 , 2011




Should the boy tell girl’s mother that they had sexual intercourse?


I need to ask a question for my friend. He is 33 years old, Muslim, lives in Pakistan. He fell in love with a girl. She is 21 years old , Muslim and Pakistani. She moved to UK few years back and comes Pakistan to meet her father once a year. Girls’ parents are doctors and separated, but not divorced.Girls mother is a psychetrist now. She lives with her elder sister and mother in Uk. Girl’s mother and sister know about their liking and are strictly against their marriage due to age difference.

Some time back they both had sexual intercourse. After that, the boy asked his parents to marry her. Boys’ parents asked girls mother but she refused and took girl emotionally away from the boy and to a limit that girl started hating that boy in a period of one year.

Then the boy talked to girl’s mother and explained that he is in love with the girl and wants to get married with her, but girl’s mother refused. The boy didn’t disclose the fact that they had sexual intercourse.

Now here is my question, should the boy tell girl’s mother that they had sexual intercourse and now they should get married? If yes, then how boy should explain it to girls mother , while focusing on girls life after marriage?

Please also tell the way in which he should talk to her mother.


Muhtaram / Muhtaramah

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.


At the outset, the boy should realize that he is causing a great amount of difficulty upon the girl by putting her through emotional stress by facing the negative response of her mother. It is clear that the boy is not concerned of the wellbeing of the girl and is blinded by his ego and passion to be with her at any cost. Perhaps the girl’s mother is aware of his attitude and thus refuses to agree to the marriage.

His Haraam ego and passion can further be understood from his devastating intimate relation with her. The boy should immediately terminate all relation with the girl. The mother was correct and wise in distancing her daughter from this evil passionate boy.

Requesting the mother to reconsider her decision is somewhat far fetched. The boy should be shameful of his evils and rectify and reform himself. Today he has given vent to his ego on this girl and tomorrow it will be someone else. This is the fundamental plot of Shaytaan to corrupt and clean and chaste environment.

Should the boy reform himself and mend his bad habits, and still has inclinations for the girl, he could in a dignified and respectable way propose for the girl’s hand in marriage. Perhaps seeing the change in his life, the mother may consider his proposal.

And Allah knows best
Darul Iftaa

Madrasah Inaa’miyyah



· The Sharée ruling herein given is specifically based on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.

· The Darul Ifta bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer. The Darul Ifta being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.

· This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of the Darul Ifta.