Question:
Assalamualaykum.
I am committed to making Nikaah to a brother from ………… and I am in ……….. His age is xx and I, xx. He came down from …… in order to ask my father for my hand and make Nikaah. We hoped to make Nikaah and live separately until he is able to secure a home for us both in his city.
My father accepted him and was happy with everything about him except for his current financial status. He denied our request to make Nikaah and sent him back with the condition that if he is able to secure his own residence, we would be allowed to make Nikaah. This was said with witnesses present.
Realistically, that would take minimum a year. As we are not together, there is no risk of physical zina but our relationship is still Haraam, despite our best efforts to make Nikaah. We are both completely committed to each other and determined to make Nikaah as soon as possible while fulfilling the conditions of my father. It has been extremely difficult for us both to cut contact with each other and so we are living in sin and guilt every day.
Would it be valid to make a secret Nikaah to relieve us both of this sin during this time apart and make Nikaah again when he meets my father’s condition and has his Ijaazah?
Please advise on what we can do.
Jazakallah.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-Salāmu ‘Alaykum Wa-Rahmatullāhi Wa-Barakātuh.
We appreciate and commend your sincere commitment to avoiding what is ḥarām. However, proceeding with marriage without the consent of your parents or guardian is not advisable. In most cases, parents genuinely have their child’s best interests at heart. Your father’s conditions may be rooted in wisdom or concerns that are not immediately apparent perhaps as a means of protecting you from potential harm.
It is also important to consider the long-term implications.
What if the person you wish to marry never fulfills your father’s conditions how long will you be willing to keep the relationship hidden? What if, over time, he meets someone else whose father places no such restrictions?
And what if your father eventually discovers that you entered into a secret nikāḥ? The sense of betrayal he may feel could deeply damage your relationship with him. The emotional and spiritual consequences of such a decision could be far-reaching and difficult to repair.
Nikāḥ is a lifelong commitment that requires careful thought and Mashwarah (consultation). As one of the most significant decisions in life, it must be approached with maturity, clarity, and foresight. There are many serious responsibilities and considerations that must not be overlooked.
In light of your circumstances, it is advisable to end all private communication with the prospective spouse and instead involve elders from your family or someone your father holds in high regard to speak on your behalf and also keep making dua. This approach may help facilitate a nikāḥ conducted with openness and mutual approval, even if the rukhsati (formal handing over) takes place at a later stage. [i]
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best.
Baba Abu Bakr
Student Darul Iftaa
Accra, Ghana
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Muhammad Zakariyya Desai.
