Question:
Assalamu Alaykum
Q1) Should a Muslim man living in a Western country get married because he is falling into sin even though he is not mentally mature enough for marriage and does not understand the responsibility that he will have to carry as the husband in marriage and he does not have a car and he does not have a job?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-Salāmu ‘Alaykum Wa-Rahmatullāhi Wa-Barakātuh.
In the inquired scenario, the person should not be advised to marry merely because he is falling into sin, if he genuinely lacks the maturity and ability required to fulfil the rights and responsibilities of marriage. In such a case, entering into marriage may be detrimental and could have serious consequences.
Nabi ﷺ said:
“يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ، مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ”
“O young men! Whoever among you has the ability to marry should marry, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. And whoever is unable to do so should fast, for fasting is a means of restraint for him.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari: 5055, Sahih Muslim: 1400][1]
The ability referred to includes more than merely having the ability to fulfil sexual rights. A person must have the practical and financial ability to fulfil the rights of his wife and must understand the responsibilities that come with the marriage contract.
If marriage is presently impractical, he should make every effort to lower his gaze, avoid situations and means that lead to sin and incite the desires, fast regularly, and dit in the company of pious trustworthy Ulama or elders. He should also work towards becoming financially and mentally prepared for marriage.[2]
At the same time, it should be borne in mind that a person’s behaviour and level of responsibility before marriage do not necessarily remain the same after marriage. A person may appear immature or irresponsible while living with considerable freedom and few responsibilities, but the responsibilities of marriage may encourage him to become more responsible and fulfil his duties. Therefore, his present immaturity should be assessed carefully to determine whether it is merely a lack of experience that can reasonably be overcome through marriage and guidance, or a genuine inability to understand and fulfil the responsibilities of a husband.
Therefore, before considering marriage, he should honestly assess his readiness by asking himself:
- Do I understand the responsibilities of a husband?
- Am I mentally and emotionally mature enough to deal with the responsibilities and challenges of marriage?
- Am I capable of fulfilling my wife’s rights?
- If I do not have a job, do I have a reliable means of supporting my wife?
- Am I prepared to take responsibility for the Tarbiyah and upbringing of my children, and do I have the financial means to provide for their needs?
- Am I seeking marriage because I am genuinely prepared to take responsibility, or merely because I am struggling with my desires?
A suitable premarital course or counselling, preferably with a qualified Muslim counsellor or scholar, may also help him understand the rights, responsibilities and challenges of marriage and assess his readiness.
Not having a car, in itself, is not a condition for preventing or delaying marriage. Likewise, being unemployed does not automatically make marriage impossible. Rather, the relevant consideration is whether there is a reliable means of fulfilling the wife’s basic financial rights and needs, or whether he is making genuine and reasonable efforts to obtain employment and become financially capable.
On the other hand, if his family and the wife’s family are willing and able to provide genuine support and assistance, marriage may be considered. However, such arrangements should be clearly understood, mutually agreed upon, and reasonably dependable.[3]
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best.
Abdour-Rahmaan Lim Voon Heek
Student Darul Iftaa
Port-louis, Mauritius
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Muhammad Zakariyya Desai.
Falling into Sin: Should I Marry Despite Lacking Maturity, a Job and Financial Means?
